day 4

continuing my story

while in mexico my friend and I met a boy, witch I believe I already mentioned. during our stay we became close friends and exchanged numbers and talked a lot. One night my friend and I went up on the roof and played truth or dare. she dared me to ask the boy out (I am not one to ask guys out I let them ask me). Of corse I agreed not intending to actually do it. A week later we had been home several days and I was still talking and hanging out with the boy. We had gotten very close. I was sitting on the couch texting him and he asked me if I liked him. witch at the time I did, not I am ashamed of it. I told him yes and he asked me out. several weeks later was halloween, me and two others of my friends including my now enemy and my best friend slept over. we slept in the guest house, that night we played truth or dare again. my dare was to kiss my boyfriend, my first kisses always seem to be on dares'. . . I agreed because I wanted to kiss him. that night we snuck out and my first kiss with him like my first kiss with my previous boyfriend was done both on a dare, and when we snuck out. nothing sparked and at that moment i knew we were not going to last. when we got back I told them it was amazing so they would approve, and not comment on him. I continued to text him, that was the night I found out he was bisexual. Yes he liked both boys and girls, this was kind of scary knowing that I  might have lost him to another boy. . . we ended up sleeping at about 3 am, and woke up at 6 to my phone going off because of my boyfriend. "Good morning" was the text he sent that woke us up and pissed us off. I was not able to to back to sleep so I texted him. that ended up in him sneaking over to my house and hiding in the guest house with us. my mother caught us just as we were about to kiss again. . . she asked him and his friend to leave, pulled me to the side and lectured me. 30 minutes later he texted me, broke up with me, and told me he never wanted to talk to me again. I was crushed. . . my best friend said it was for the better, but I missed him. this was a Saturday on monday I found out that 5 minutes after we broke up he asked my friend out and she said yes. That was a sucker punch in the gut. . . I was so pissed at him, but ended up forgiving him. 2 weeks later we were back together, we would sneak around and meet up in secret. most of the time we would meet when I walked my dogs, we would hang out and make out. Dating him was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life! My parents began to get stricter and stricter, so I became more and more rebellious, breaking more and more rules. After my parents found out about me sneaking out I was grounded with no phone for about 5 months, no phone for 6. They did not, do not and probably never will trust me again. the more they became strict the more I became depressed and the more I cut myself. the pain from the cutting over came the true emotional pain I was feeling. sometimes not enough so I would cut more and deeper. It became an obsession. The more I bled the more the emotions would cease to exist. the less I felt apart of my family the more I loved my room and being alone. during the time My phone was taken away my boyfriend and I would set up certain times to meet an hope we would both be there at the same time. Sometimes we would not hang out for weeks, the only time we would see each other was at school.


I will continue this story tomorrow sorry <3